Thursday, September 24, 2009

What A Big Day!

Today has been a day that I've dreaded for a long time. For the first couple of years after Emma was born I thought that I could never go through pregnancy again b/c I was so scared of what might happen. After almost losing Emma it's so hard to think about putting another baby at risk and of course, myself. Then the 2 year mark hit and I was itching for a baby. :) Once I got pregnant though all of the stress started and as the weeks went on I dreaded the thought of how my body was going to react to this pregnancy. After all, my body had already rejected Emma and I had 2 early miscarriages so what would make this pregnancy different? All I could do was have hope and be positive.

So now I'm at the day-26 weeks 5 days-which is when Emma was born. My doctor said he would be so happy if I could even make it 4 weeks longer than I did with Emma and I'm determined to make it to at least 36 weeks. It is still really scary and being at this point I find myself really overwhelmed at times with the thought of giving birth again. Emma's birth was all so scary and hard especially looking back on it. At the time I did what had to be done and somehow was super positive about all of it but now it freaks me out. With Emma I had 3 months to recover from my c-section and get the best sleep of my life while she was in the NICU but this time I hope to walk out the door with a newborn and a toddler...what am I gonna do? I was in so much pain after Emma and I'm terrified of how it's all going to work. I know I'll be okay but it just gets so overwhelming. But then I think that if I could handle Emma and her oxygen for 6 months then surely I can handle a "normal" baby.

Anyways, enough with the rambling. :) I'm so excited to have made it this far with no complications and I look forward to the day that I get to walk out the hospital doors in a wheelchair holding my baby boy. It'll be a super sweet day!

My sweet princess blessed me with such a wonderful day and we played so hard. She's gone potty about 8 times today and not had one single accident. How awesome is that?! Love the princess!


Momto4 said...

We are Thinking of You Sweetie *Hugs* Hoping and Praying that Baby Hudson remains your gorgeous belly for atleast 6 more weeks. Having a NICU baby is stressful and scary to say the least. But you have given your gorgeous tiny Preemie so much love, devotion, strength & determiation for her to grow into a healthy and beautiful 2 year old toddler. You are an Amazing Woman & an Awesome Mommy. Your babies are so lucky to have you. It is because of You that your Precious Emma is doing so well. You are an inspiration to many and are loved by all that are granted the gift of knowing you & having you in their lives!!

Amy said...

"this time I hope to walk out the door with a newborn and a toddler...what am I gonna do?" You'll just "do it" because that's what mommies do. I know that sounds weird but it's true. Yes, it will be exhausting and scary, but you will handle it because God made mommies with any extra something :) AC was 17 months when LB came home. Talk about crazy!! But we just made it work!

I know what you mean about hitting this mark. When I hit 26 months with Lily Baker (which is when AC and Melissa were born) I knew that no matter when she came, it would be fine because we had made it this far. I hope that God gives you peace for the rest of this pregnancy.

So happy for you!